It’s been a year….

My life took a major turn two thanksgivings ago when I got a call from one of my closest friends asking me if I could make sure her daughters, who happen to be my daughters best friends, got to school on time. My answer was of course. I knew something was up but I would wait for her to tell me.

She did. She called me crying. This woman never cried. I met her when I was 12 and she was ten as I “dated” her older twin brothers(yes both of them. Yes at the same time.) I watched her grow up. She never cried. She was the one who always had the strength to muscle through. She never leaned on anyone. She was my rock. She needed me to be hers. She had been diagnosed with stage three ovarian cancer.

After we talked And she gave me the run down of everything that was to come I begged her to get a second opinion. In my medical knowledge I knew her surgery schedule was not right. She however trusted this doctor. He did get her youngest daughter into remission a few years prior. Yes,her seven year old daughter at the time she was diagnosed, had also battled ovarian cancer and won. I could not sway her. To this day I regret not pushing harder.

I went that day and bought yarn. I taught myself to make hats. I made fourteen of them over a few months all in her favorite colors, pink and purple. She lost her hair in January. By april she had lost nearly eighty pounds. By May I knew something had changed. We talked bi-nightly when she wasn’t in the hospital and when she was I would go in for a bit but she wanted people to not see her like that.

I helped with her daughters. I did often make sure they got to school. They did their homework. They call me their second mom.

She posted about an upcoming surgery inJune of last year. The cancer had spread. The chemo wasn’t working. She went into the hospital and she didn’t ever come out again. Alive that is.

She died a year ago today. A year I have been without a piece of myself I won’t ever get back. A year I have been pissed off because she didn’t listen to me in The first place. A year I have hated nearly everything because she knew and she didn’t tell me. I never got the chance to say goodbye the right way. I never got the last chance to tell her I loved her. She knew but I never got to say the words.

I sit here in a new state. A new house. Balling my eyes out because I miss her so god damn much.

RIP my dearest friend, my sister in arms, my guardian angel. Until we meet again.

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